Here on the Reimagining The Talk blog, I spend quite a bit of time talking about raising sexually healthy children. It’s pretty much the goal of everything we do here. But I realize that you may be wondering what exactly I mean when I talk about raising sexually healthy children (especially if your kids are younger and haven’t even reached puberty yet). So I thought it would be helpful to outline the holistic sexual health definition I use as a foundation for everything.

What is sexual health? A holistic definition

When you hear the term “sexual health” what comes to mind? I think it’s safe to guess that most people think of things like…safe sex, consent, reproduction, STIs, etc. And yes, these aspects of sexual health are important, but they are hardly the only things contributing to a person’s sexual well-being. They are only pieces of the puzzle. 

From my perspective, sexual health is much more holistic and comprehensive, connecting to so much more than asking for permission, knowing how to use a condom, and not getting a sexually transmitted infection. I define sexual health as the process of embracing and enjoying your sexuality throughout life. 

Sexual health is the process of embracing and enjoying your sexuality throughout life.

More specifically, I believe sexual health refers to embracing and enjoying your sexuality throughout life by…

• Building confidence and security in your identity, body, feelings, and emotions
  
• Nurturing enriching relationships 
  
• Exercising autonomy over your sexuality and body 
  
• Understanding how your body works and keeping it working at an optimal level 
  
• All, so you can actively choose to engage in meaningful, pleasurable, and healthy sexual experiences that connect to and exemplify personal values, wants, needs, and boundaries 
  
  

Holistic sexual health is all about dissecting what exactly it is in life that empowers a person to embrace and enjoy their sexuality in the most authentic and enriching way. So let’s take a deeper look at what each element of sexual health means for our kids:

Building Confidence and Security 

What does it mean for our kids? – They feel comfortable and free to be themselves, whether that be in terms of their physical body, the feelings and emotions they experience, or their sexual identity.  

Nurturing Enriching Relationships

What does it mean for our kids? – They feel safe, secure, and happy in their relationships (romantic and non-romantic). They have the social skills and competencies to build healthy relationships. The relationships in their life add value and meaning and are a place of comfort and freedom.

Exercise Autonomy Over Sexuality and Body

What does it mean for our kids? – They have control and freedom in terms of how they express their sexuality – by being able to express their values, needs, wants, and boundaries. And they have control and freedom of their body – by being able to engage in the sexual experiences of their choice (in terms of when, what, and who with); by being able to choose when and if they’d like to start a family and having access to the information, services, and products that empower them to take ownership of their family planning.

Knowing How the Body Works and Keeping It Working at an Optimal Level

What does it mean for our kids? – They have a medically accurate (and age-appropriate) understanding of what the body looks like and how it works (i.e. sexual and reproductive anatomy, reproduction, the sexual response, etc.). They also have access to valid and reliable information, services, and products to keep their body working at an optimal level. 

Actively Choosing to Engage in Meaningful, Pleasurable, and Healthy Sexual Experiences

What does it mean for our kids? – They have the knowledge and skills that allow them to intentionally engage in sexual experiences that connect to and exemplify their values, needs, wants, and boundaries, ultimately enriching their lives. 

As you can see, being sexually healthy isn’t just one thing. It’s about all of the interconnected elements in a person’s life that all work together to empower a person to embrace and enjoy their sexuality. 

So, what does it mean to raise a sexually healthy child?

When it comes to defining what exactly it means to raise a sexually healthy child, I like to keep it simple. From my point of view, sexual health is less about any particular sexual behaviors and more about raising a child who can think critically and make sexual decisions that exemplify and honor their values, needs, wants, and boundaries.

Essentially a sexually healthy child is one who is actively…

• Building self-esteem and confidence
• Developing social and emotional skills and learning how to establish healthy relationships
• Given space, freedom, opportunity to exercise autonomy over their body and sexuality, and developing self-advocacy skills
• Building a medically accurate understanding of how their body works (and how all bodies work) and learning how to keep their body functioning at an optimal level
• All while identifying what it means to them for an experience (sexual or otherwise) to be meaningful, pleasurable, and healthy and actively choosing to engage in experiences that meet their defined criteria
  

Don’t wait till puberty to start intentionally raising a sexually healthy child! 

I know the idea of raising a child that meets everyone on the list above can seem quite daunting. It’s a lot. But one of the things I love most about this holistic definition of sexual health is that it gives us parents a guide for nurturing our children’s sexual health long before they reach puberty!

From birth on, we start to nurture our child’s sexual health. Here are just a few examples…

• Loving them for exactly who they are 
  
• Telling them about their amazing body and showing them how to take care of and love their body
  
• Modeling social and emotional skills
  
• Showing them how to be kind and caring friends and partners
  
• Allowing them to be autonomous beings and make (age-appropriate) choices for themselves
  
• Respecting their body
  
• Teaching them how their bodies work
  
• Guiding them as they develop and define their values, wants, needs, and boundaries (about all things)
  
• And so much more!
  
  

There’s no need to wait until puberty or when our kids first start dating to intentionally nurture their sexual health. We can start building a foundation based on this holistic sexual health definition today! 



Before we sign off, I want to give you one question to consider. Join me in the Reimagining The Talk Facebook group to talk about one thing we can start doing right now to nurture our kids’ sexual health and well-being?

What is one thing you could do right now to nurture your child’s sexual health and well-being?